I hate it when people leave. It’s not like I expect everyone to be around me all the time, but I dislike having to be left to deal with myself for the time being. I hate feeling like I’m always the one that gets left behind. It seems to never be me leaving other people to go do my own thing. As a result, I’m on a quest to find my own sense of happiness apart from others. Right now I’m sitting on the roof/balcony outside of my room.
My new room. The new room in my parents’ house. I wasn’t particularly happy about moving back home. I expected my parents to be back to their old ways, breathing down my neck. Quite honestly, they haven’t been too bad… yet. They’re slowly starting to respect my space. Although, I haven’t really been staying home in the daytime. I always manage to find something to do away from home. Today it was sitting outside of the music studio I teach at 2 hours before lesson time. Just chilling in the car, writing, thinking, praying, etc. Things have been decent this past week. But deep down I’m itching inside for a new adventure. I just simply know I’m not ready and prepared yet. I can’t wait for that day. I need to collect my tools and resources and wait until the time is right. *sigh* Such a pain. It seems like the pieces are falling together for everyone else around me for them to do whatever it is they want to do. Travel, move, new job, more money, etc. And here I am. Stuck. In this place. *sigh*
At least I am patient. I keep telling myself good things come to those who wait and work hard for them. I’ve been working hard… all’s I need to do is wait. <—- yeah I said “all’s” and that’s a playful jab at two of my friends who always say that. I keep telling them all’s they need to say is “all”. HA.
Anyway. I’ve been doing quite a bit of writing lately. Thinking and considering lots of things. Summer is going by quickly and is more than halfway over. Now that I’ve given up on trying to get some mystical “summer body” together for “swimsuit season”, I’m not sure what special things summer is supposed to represent anymore. My summer last year was amazing. But this one has been less than entertaining. I’ve spent the majority of it alone pondering my next moves in life. Sucks.
This fall is going to be epic though. I know it. I’m ready for a new me. I’m going to Philadelphia in September to scope it out. Haven’t decided if I want to hit the road alone and experience it by myself like I will be when I move, or take someone with me to bounce ideas off of. I’ll have to put more thought into it. I want to reinvent myself there. I have no idea how or into what. I don’t mind myself, but there shall be improvements. I know I want to work on being more fashionable. Which is hard when I don’t care about fashion… but I need to stop dressing in jeans and T-shirts and start looking like a well-put-together adult. Good Lord is that going to cost a pretty penny. I feel like people don’t take me seriously. I basically need to throw out the clothes I have and start over. So, I’ve been taking this time until September to drop a few pounds, so I can shop slightly smaller clothes sizes for fall and winter. That will be awesome. I’m not looking for a drastic change. Just one size. I think that’s satisfactory.
I’m unwilling to kill myself at the gym and go on crazy, expensive diets. If something is going to stick, it has to be subtle, positive adjustments to my normal routine. Exercising for 30 minutes, running, cardio, etc. and eating less and better. Slow and steady wins the race. And that’s what’s going to get the job down. I decided a pound a week will be fantastic. In the past that would have never been good enough. But guess what? There are 52 weeks in a year…. when was the last time I lost 52 lbs doing ANYTHING? So. Again. Slow and steady wins the race. I’m happy with that mantra.
My. Look at me. Being PATIENT and PERSISTENT. and NO GIVING UP ON MY GOALS AND DREAMS.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah…. I like that patience and positivity. Go me.
Confessions of a Vicenarian 